“Fine.”
It may seem odd that that one word can make me want to bang my head against the nearest wall. Hard. But when I hear it in response to “How was school today?”, I lose all patience. How am I supposed to be involved in my child’s schooling if I don’t really know what is going on at school?! “Fine” is too squishy. It could mean anything from “I didn’t fall asleep from boredom” to “We did a really cool science experiment.” I need details, not a half-grunted monosyllable.
And I know that I am not alone. One of the most common parent complaints is that their children do not tell them about school. However, it is important for parents to be involved in their children’s schooling and to know what is happening in their school lives. Studies show that children do better when their parents are involved. So to help parents stay in touch with their children’s school lives (and to prevent possible injuries from head-banging) here are some tips and strategies:
- Try a different conversation starter. “How was school?” just begs for that one word answer that we all fear. Instead, try a starter that pulls for more information. Here are a few:
What was the best thing that happened at school today? (What was the worst thing that happened at school today?)
Tell me something that made you laugh today.
If you could choose, who would you like to sit by in class? (Who would you NOT want to sit by in class? Why?)
Where is the coolest place at the school?
Tell me a weird word that you heard today. (Or something weird that someone said.)
For the complete list of 25 ways to ask your child about school, check out http://www.simplesimonandco.com/2014/08/25-ways-ask-kids-school-today-without-asking-school-today.html
- Offer to help with homework. One of the only ways that I find out about what my freshman son is doing in his classes is by offering to look over his homework. Sometimes I don’t even know/remember how to do the math, but at least I see what his assignments are. That can lead to conversations about what they learned in class or what they are reading or writing.
- Start conversations about artwork or papers or tests that they have brought home. You can learn a lot about what they are doing in class from completed assignments. And you get a chance to read about or see how they interpreted the subject.
- Talk to them about your day. Tell them what you did during the day and how you felt or what you thought. Often children need us to model the behaviors that we want to see. And sometimes they have no idea what we actually do at work.
- Learn their schedules at school. If you know their daily schedule, you can ask more specific questions about what happened during the day. For instance, if you know that Thursday is library day, you can ask “What book did you pick out in the library today?”
- Go to school open houses. Typically, schools have some sort of curriculum night where you can learn about your child’s classes. This will give you a whole range of new conversation starters that tie to your child’s school day.
- Check the teacher’s website. Some teachers find the time (I don’t know where) to post daily or weekly schedules on their web sites. This can be a great source of information about topics such as what unit the class is studying in science. And, if your child’s teacher does not post and you are tech- or social media savvy, what a great volunteer project to get you even more involved!
Overall, try to pick a time when your child might be more receptive to talking, like over dinner or during a car ride. And once they start talking, listen. I know it’s hard not to get excited that they are actually talking and ask a million questions. But try not to interrupt them and make it feel like an interrogation. They are more likely to talk in the future if they feel that you listen to them. And children who learn to talk about their days are more likely to turn and say “Mom/Dad, how was your day?” Just try not to faint from astonishment when they do.
Other helpful sources of tips about getting your child to talk about their day:
http://parents-choice.org/article.cfm?art_id=357&the_page=consider_this
pbs.org/parents/education/going-to-school/talking-with-kids-about-school/talking-strategies/
http://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/talking-with-your-child-about-school/
