In the May KITS e-newsletter, readers overwhelmingly told us that they wanted to learn more about how to help children who might be anxious about separating from their parents on the first day of school. Here are our tips!
It’s August! Time to talk about getting ready for school. You may be thinking “But we still have weeks!” And that’s the beauty of it. That means there is plenty of time to do some essential things to prepare your child for the first day of school.
This week we are going to talk about getting your child ready for separating from you when he goes to school. Some kids do not have any problem at all with this. But other kids might feel more anxiety. That can range from a child chewing her fingernails and looking scared to a child having an all-out tantrum and refusing to let her parent go.
Going to school for the first time IS a big change for most kids. Even if your child has gone to preschool or playgroups, “big kids’ school” is a whole new place. So if you are concerned that your child is going to have a hard time separating from you on the first day of school, starting to prepare him for the transition NOW could help to make that first day go much more smoothly. And there are a number of things that you can do:
- Talk positively about the first day of school! If you show that you are anxious about how your child will react, she may pick up on that worry and feel even more anxiety. Instead, talk about how much fun she will have at school, meeting new friends and learning new things. Read about the first day of school and what school is like.
- Practice separating by setting up times for your child to visit his grandparents or other relatives, have playdates, or stay with a babysitter. Start with short periods of time and then gradually build up to a day.
- Create a special goodbye. You and your child can come up with a special way to say goodbye that can help ease separation anxiety. This might be something like giving him a kiss on the palm of his hand so he can carry it with him during the day. Or maybe it’s a special handshake or high-five. Remember that you do not want to make this too long. It’s a quick kiss, high-five, etc and then you leave. You can practice this goodbye before school starts whenever you might be separating from your child.
- Set up a morning routine ahead of time. Having a smooth start to the day can really help kids to feel less anxiety about going to school. It can also help you to be calm, even if your child is not. Start setting up and practicing your routine a few weeks before school starts and it will become a habit by the first day of school!
- Talk about what the first day will be like. Children are less anxious when they know what is going to happen. You can talk about what she is likely to do on the first day of school. That could sound like “I will walk you to your class. You can say ‘hi’ to your teacher. Then you will hang up your backpack in your cubby. Then I will say goodbye and you will go sit on the carpet.” It is also important to talk about the end of the day when you will see your child again. “I will come to pick you up and you will be standing right outside the door there. Then we can go home and have a snack.” You can even role play what will happen on the first day of school. Pretend to go into the classroom and walk through what your child will do once she gets there.
- Visit the school. Many schools offer open houses or orientations for kindergarteners and other new students. If your school has one of these, make sure you attend with your child. If the school doesn’t have an open house, you could call and ask if they would let you and your child drop by. School office staff usually return in August.
Doing these things now can help to make that first day of school a time for celebration, rather than trepidation!
(And if you get there and still find that your child is having difficulties, check out our post on handling “I-don’t-want-to-stay” meltdowns at school.)
