One of the best ways to help keep yourself and your kids motivated to meet goals is to use positive self-talk.
When we talk to ourselves in a positive way, we can make a huge difference in how we feel. And when children and adults learn to give themselves positives, they may feel the confidence to set themselves high goals or try new things that they feel nervous about. They will also be much more likely to keep trying even when things don’t work out the way they planned the first time.
So how can you help children (and yourself) to use positive self-talk? Here are some tips:
- Teach your child and yourself to recognize negative self-talk. Listen for when you hear your child say things about themselves that are negative, things that begin with “I can’t”, “I never” or “I always”. Talk with them about how they feel when they hear that they can’t or will never be able to do something. Point out how that can actually stop your child from doing their best because it takes away their confidence and motivation.
- Help your child turn things around. So if your child has set a goal of getting over thier fear of speaking in front of the class, and they are afraid that they cannot reach it, ask them why they feel that way. Maybe they feel like they are not prepared enough to give a speech. Reassure them that you believe that they can do it. And then help them break that big goal into steps. Maybe they need to set some times to practice. Also, ask them to think of some positive things that they can say when they are nervous or upset, like “I practiced this. I will do my best.”
- Give your child positive phrases to say. Sometimes it helps to have a positive phrase to use when your child is feeling nervous or is doubting himself and feeling ready to give up. For example, former college basketball player and motivational speaker, Devin Hughes, says that his father taught him the phrase “I am, I can, I will”. You and your child could come up with your own phrase or something that has special meaning for your family. Then help your child to remember that when they start saying negative things to themselves, they should stop, take a breath, and think of their special phrase. You can use the same phrase, too, and share with your child when you have needed to reassure or motivate yourself using the special words.
- Teach your child to say positive things to herself about progress towards a goal. In a previous post, we talked about how important it is to reward yourself and others when you make progress on your goals. Teach your children to tell themselves that they have done a good job when they reach their goals. The more specific this self-praise is, the better. Instead of just saying to themselves “Great work!” when they reads their book for the month, you could teach them to say “I worked really hard and read a little bit each night. I did a great job with that!” This will help them to remember not just that they can reach goals but also how they reached their goal. And don’t forget that just making steps towards a goal is worth praise. So you could teach your child to say something like “I made a great big step towards reading a whole book by reading 10 pages tonight. Look at me go!”
- Model positive self-talk. Just like with modeling goal-setting and motivation, it is important to let your child hear you talking positively to yourself. So try to avoid negative self-statements and using phrases like “I can’t” or “I could never”. Instead, model the things that you would like your child to say to herself, like “I know today was hard but I can try again tomorrow” or “I believe I can reach that goal”. Positive self-talk can help you become more motivated to reach your own goals.
Both you and your child can practice helping yourselves to do your best, try new things, and reach your goals. Give yourselves a pep talk!
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