Here at KITS, we talk a lot about modeling the behaviors and attitudes that we’d like our children to learn. We know that children learn much more from what they see around them than from what they’re told to do. And modeling positive behaviors is something that we already know how to do! We are constantly modeling important skills, attitudes and values through the routine ways we handle situations and the way we interact with others (and ourselves).
What do we do when someone hands us something? We say “thank you”. And when a friend is feeling sad, we comfort them. When a child falls down, we help them up and see if they need anything. These ways of modeling good manners, empathy, and support come naturally for parents. We may not even notice that what we’re doing is fostering good manners, empathy, and support in our children.
Modeling can also happen in a more directed way when we demonstrate how to do something, like zipping up your jacket, loading the dishwasher, or keeping a hand on the car until a parent can cross the parking lot with you. So, when we are teaching a new skill, we can physically show our child what we expect them to do. For example, “Sophie, while I’m talking I need to see that you are giving me your full attention. I will know you are listening when you are facing me with a calm body and a quiet voice (demonstrate by silently facing and looking at your child with your hands on your lap).”
Another way to model is by narrating out loud what you are doing or thinking. Like when you stick with something or try different ways when something is hard. Or working through how to handle difficult feelings in a helpful way. So you might say something like, “I’m really having a hard time fitting this salad spoon in the drawer. I’m going to rearrange some things to see if I can fit it in so we can close the drawer all the way.” Or “I was really hoping to go to that movie tonight, but your cousin will not be able to come over to babysit. I’m really disappointed, but I’m sure we can make it happen soon when Hanna’s feeling better.”
Because modeling is something that we are already doing, simply taking notice of these moments and recognizing what we’re doing well can help us find other times and ways to use modeling to encourage positive behaviors in our children.
Check out these KITS blogs about using modeling to promote academic skills such as reading and science, and teach basic social skills such as making friends, sharing, and cooperating. We also have fantastic tips for using modeling to foster other valuable life skills such as self-care, positive self-talk, active listening, and independence.
Image: © Tatiana Kostenko | Dreamstime.com
